mak..maafkan aku~

since i was a child, i think i shouldn't live in this world...i never wanna be like this...everything i do, never achieve anything... actually, what's role am i doing this whole life? i know i'm not supposed to said this...but now i'm feel useless, stupid and keep burden everyone..i'm just like live for nothing..and forgot my duty as Allah's servant. maybe that's the main point why i've live like this...
sometime i feel i wanna die soon, but i can't...i've still have my own dreams to achieve on..and my religious charity still not enough...i cannot die easily..i must do something and back to Allah. That's  the first thing i wanna do...maybe everyone can't accept me as the way i are, but Allah will.. i love my family and friends..i wanna be a good human, adhere, useful for everyone  who needed me even i'm not perfect like anybody else..i don't wanna die nothing...if i die one day, i wanna obey my Allah SWT, follow Prophet Muhammad SAW sunnah and go to the right path.. Insya'Allah... i don't wanna die easily sounds like suicide. it's HARAM. i don't want increase sins anymore... Ya Allah, please guide me...

mgkn ada hikmah disebalik apa yg berlaku ne hari..aku xtaw knapa aku ikut kata hati jahat ku...aku ndk spatutnya berbuat demikian sbb mama suda pesan sama aku... jaga kereta tue bgus2x...tp aku yg kasi rosak...dan rosaknya bukan alang2x..rosak trok...aku bersalah...aku berdosa langgar ckp mama...ini lah balasan ku...aku ptutnya taw...skg menyesal suda ndk bguna lg...pasti teda kata maaf dr mamaku atas kelakuan ku...mgkn ini 1 tindakan drastik yg aku patut ambil utk lbh berdikari agar tidak tllu bergantung sama mama... sampai skg aku masi lom bgtaw, aku xtaw maw mula mcm mn...pasti aku d maki dan dimarahi bukan stakat dia jak...kawan2x jg pasti pandang aku serong...ini lah balasan nya klu langgar ckp org tua..aku teda duit maw ganti tue suma..mgkn ini 1 tindakan drastik spya aku cari kerja dan bayar balek suma tue...aku btl2 anak xbguna dan menyusahkan org tua...aku patutnya buat dia sng.,bkn menambah susa lg sama mama...insya-Allah, aku berusaha bayar balek suma tue...even dia mama ku, tp dia suda bnyak tanggung aku...mgkn ini jg masanya aku balas sgala jasanya budinya...aku mst bagi dia gembira dan kesenangan walau sedikit.... Ya Allah, bantu la hamba-Mu ini...bantu la aku...